The Perfect Picture
by Rain Drops of Laughter
Summary: I have tried to be the perfect daughter, but after that night I was always far form it. I have been damaged, I have tried, and I am out of things to do. It would seem that giving up is the only option left for me. On Hiatus being re written.
1. Trying

You may think that I would have the picture perfect family, the white picket fence and the all smile family. A loving mother, hard working father, and two rambunctious boys that only listen to their mom, with a darling daughter that looks just like her mother and acts like her too but this is not who we are, this is not who I am.

I am scared have been since I was nine years old and my brother told me to take out the trash, little did I know that this would be where it all started, the beginning of the end, a very long painful end. No one knew that I would be that one that started the down fall of our powerful family, that's all it took was one night. One night changed everything, from the way that I would later view the world, to how my dad acted around us.

Anyone would have thought that my dad, Harry Potter or anything you may call him, would change so drastically because of me, Lily Luna Potter, I would change everything. We would no longer be considered the perfect family, almost no pictures have us all smiling except one, one picture of when I was just born and that kept me going all through school, the only thing that kept me going.

I tried my best to be the perfect daughter to my mother and father, but I couldn't help let alone stop from being who I was. I tried to be Harry's daughter as the world viewed me but I'm not that strong, smart, or beautiful. I tied to ignore my mother's remarks about me and how much I was a disappointment to her. I tried to pretend that my father wasn't distant or hardly ever home. I tried to be many different things but this would only prove to hurt me in the end. I tried to change everything but you cannot change the truth.

You can try living on a lie but the truth will always be right there in your eyes looking back at you in the mirror.

I avoided mirrors for most of my life, I didn't want to see myself because all I saw where the scars of my past. I never saw myself clearly in mirrors because all I saw where dead truthful eyes staring at me say every negative thought that had been drilled into my head. People would try to ask what was wrong but they were only met with a blank stare in return. Only one person in my entire school life or my entire life actually got a response from me. He would save me in the end but the end was a long way away, and still is. I don't know if I'll ever be able to see myself clearly again, too much damage has been done. Irreversible damage that says with you forever, hunting you in your eyes and thoughts.

I have been damaged, I have tried, and I am out of things to do. It would seem that giving up is the only option left for me.


	2. A Simple Act

Some say that a smile can change your entire day; I wish that a smile would be able to change my life. A smile would have been too simple an action but what did change everything started out simple, it didn't end that way.

My brother, James asked me to take out the trash; I didn't want to do it. The sky was black because of the clouds and I knew that a thunder storm would be coming soon. I was scared more scared than I would ever admit to my brother, to anyone really. I knew that I should just tell him no it's two letters but I couldn't tell him no. I tried to but I have always had problems telling people no. May be that's the reason for all the pain and misery in my life it because I couldn't say no.

I told James that I would take out the trash, but the moment I stepped outside and the door slammed shut, I knew in my gut, I knew in the bottom of my soul that I should go inside. I didn't listen to my gut or soul. I didn't trust my instincts like my dad says I need to. I didn't run back inside screaming no, I put one foot in front of the other, and walked down the street.

He says that I need to learn to trust my feelings and my heart I haven't all my life and I have gotten nowhere, but when I did it always seemed like it got worst. I should have listened to what my body was trying to tell me, but I didn't and to this day I'm still living with the side effects of it.

Every cell in my body was trying to tell me to stop and run back. I just kept walking down the street trash in hand. I never paused or looked back at my house while it was still in view. I didn't pay attention to my surroundings, I focused on my feet.

All I remember was walking and then I blank until the alley. I just know that when I looked up form my feet I saw two men. One in a suit and the other looked to be homeless but if there is anything that I learned it's that what's on the outside is different from the inside. I may not believe this to be ture about me but it is about other people. I figured that they were both muggles that just got into a fight, but those thoughts quickly disappeared, when they homeless look alike said "Cruico."

All I heard was a scream, a deep painful scream that filled my ears. The cars passing by, the thunder storm raging above ass faded away. That man's whimpers, moans, and screams were all that I could hear. I never would forget his screams; they were permanently stored in my mind. They never went away haunting my nightmares, I tried to forget them, but I never really tried. I thought that I deserved to suffer, and suffer I did.

When the homeless man finally stopped the curse after what seemed like hours, I thought the other guy was dead but he whispered "No, I'll never tell." The homeless guy must have wanted something form him but I could imagine what would be worth all that pain. I know now that a lot can be worth pain, but at nine I was clueless.

I remember the two men talking but I didn't hear the words, when something garbed my arm.

It was the homeless man. "Do you want to die little girl?" he asked me like it was as common as hello. I shook my head no to shocked and scared to reply, my voice seemed to have left me. His cold black eyes never left my Hazel ones; his eyes were filled with anger and hatred not just for me but for the world. He slowly let go of his hard grip of my arm that would leave bruises around my arm. The bruises would eventually fade away but they would always be there every time I looked at myself, it was the first scar I got. Invisible to the world but burning bright for me, when his hand was removed from my arm I feel down on to my knees I barely had time to breathe before my entire body rippled in pain.

Burning pain spreading throughout my entire body it felt like I was being ripped apart from the inside. I screamed, begged, and pleaded for him to stop but nothing fazed him. When he stopped I could move, and each breath that I took left like a knife was being pushed farther and farther into my chest. As laid on the ground all I could see was the two men, the air around us had gotten cooler and I knew that one of them was going to have to give.

I sat mentally begging for anyone to come and find me but it was pointless because everyone was inside because of the storm that was getting worst the rain was coming down so hard I could see much farther than the alley where the men were fighting.

Just as the darkness was creeping up ion me willing me to fall into it, I looked at the two men one more time. Just as my eyes reach the man laying on the ground a great green light shined everywhere and a monstrous crack of lighting sounded.

At that moment I shot up in tot air all thoughts that this may be the end gone. The man on the ground was dead I knew it to be true no other curse is that color green. The homeless man turned to me and whispered quietly but I hear every word, "You're next."

I ran images flashing through my mind each one the same green and that lighting strike ringing in my ears. I ran as fast as my legs would carry, I didn't feel pain, I didn't feeling anything, all I felt was my feet hitting the ground as I ran. The man was chasing I was sure of it I didn't need to turn around I felt his cold black eyes staring at me waiting for the right moment to strike.

Just as I was rounding to corner he sent off another killing curse but I made it around the corner just fast enough that it didn't hit me but it sipped passed my ear. Never will I forget what it sound like, a deafening sound, the sound of lighting. I barely made it to the house it was just a few feet away when my mother came bounding out the door never in my entire life was I so happy to see my mom.

The next thing I know is that I'm in my mother's arms being hugged. I looked frantically for a sign of that man but He was on where to be seen. I don't know if it was my mother that stopped him or that I really had escaped. That was one question that I would never want answered.

I didn't tell anyone that anything had happened to me and on one asked. Why would they have to be concerned but me little nine year old nothing can happen to her, Lily. I was perfect in there eyes but I knew that that would all be changing soon. My mom said that I was soaked to the bone and needed to my put into some dry clothes right away. After my mom had gotten me dried off and I bid goodnight to everyone, I went straight for bed. I laid down my body immobile form pain and exhaustion. I don't know how long I stayed awake staring into darkness, but I must have fallen asleep because I was woken by the beginning of a very long line of nightmares.

Ask any one in my family and they will tell you that that night wasn't my fault. I will disagree, because to me if I would have said no to James, if I would have listened to what my body was trying to tell me, and if I would have run right when I saw the alley maybe things would have turned out differently. Maybe they would have been better. Maybe then my dad wouldn't become a workaholic, and my mother would become so distant it was like she wasn't even there.

There are a lot of maybes, if's, and questions in my life about what would have happened. It came to the point where my life was nothing but questions.


	3. Names

Does a name define you? Does your name make you who you are, or do you make that name? Do you have to live up to the name you are given, or make it stand for you? Does your name shape your entire life, and once you are given a name will it always hold power over you, or can you hold power over it?

I never really got the idea that my name defined in a way that at eleven I couldn't comprehend. Lily, a simple common name used quite a lot, but not in my world, not in the world that my parents shaped around me since birth. Not in the world, that my parents thought I still lived in, but I left that world, more liked it got destroyed around me in front of my very own eyes. That world collapsed around me in one night, with one person, with me doing nothing to stop it. My name never really meant all that much to me, but in my first year I came to find out that everyone else thought Lily was a common name too.

You have thought that I being named after a great person that I would never be called names but you would have thought very wrong.

My being named after someone who was dead that not everyone knew about seemed only to fuel their fire; to them Lily was not a great war hero but simply my dad's dead Mom, They never went to see who she was, they didn't care as far as they knew nothing evil was left in this world; they still lived in the world that my parents think that I still live.

When they learned about my mom's first year they thought that I would turn out the same. I never got a chance to tell them that my mom still has night mares every blue moon about her first year with Tom Riddle. They never went to asked the teachers what really happened, they never got the full truth, only what the adults forced feed them not the whole truth but not a lie neither. I knew the truth, but no one would listen. To them I didn't have a say, to them I knew nothing. I could say something about the war or my dad's life and no one would hear me, but the moment rose would say the exact same thing everyone was all ears. I never really had a voice, but I never made a stand to get them to listen.

I got teased, and bullied quite a lot during my first year. It was mostly taunts like "_Where is he Lily...hm.. Bet you don't know anything little Lily_" or "_Hey Lily come here so I can put your under my spell and we'll talk with a book._" And the worst of them all "_Everyone hates you Lily no one cares about you. Why are you still here? I bet your parents look at you with disappointment. Just go way Lily._"

These taunts would struck a chord deep with in me, and they slowly became the only things I believed to be true. When someone who didn't know me or could possible even like me thou, that was a small possibility, asked why I was crying in the middle of the hall, or why was I trying to hide, I would simply lie. The people who broke me down never got into trouble because I never told a soul. I kept their names locked away in my mind. I would always know what was really happening, or who really did it, but the world just sat there living off my lies.

* * *

I think that I broke my dad's record for the most times in the hospital wing. I seemed to get hurt a lot during my first year, a broken arm, cut on the head, sprained ankle, Madam would never ask how I got my injures, not a single question. It was almost as if she already knew that I would feed her the same lies I gave to everyone else.

My brothers, my whole family really, always accepted these lies the easiest. They never wanted to think that I might be lying, I'm their sweet innocence Lily, I can do no wrong, and no wrong could be done to me. It wasn't me I think that they were trying to convince more that they were trying their hardest to believe the half truths they would tell me.

I had a cycle of sorts during my first year Hurt, hospital wing, lie, and walk away.

This was most of my first year it followed this cycle this pattern that was never broken. I would get hurt because of another student, I would go to the hospital wing, I'd lie about what had happened, and I would walk away only to have it repeat. I was stuck in this endless pattern till He came.

He found me in a corridor crying silently, my body shaking ever so slightly. He knelt down beside me, and very gently ,almost as if I would break from his touch, put his arms around me. He didn't ask questions he simply held me. That simple action of holding me silently was more than anyone had ever done for me.

I don't know how long her held me for, how long we stayed there in that corridor but when my tears had stopped to falling, and my breathing had calmed, I looked up at him. He released his hold on me, neither one of us spoke. He knew better to ask because I wouldn't answer, but we had a conversation with our eyes, dark blue locked with hazel. Not a word was muttered, none needed to be said.

He looked at me in such a way that said he knew what had happened to me, what I've been through, and that look oh, how I would come to see that look all to often, it simply said _"You need to tell someone."_

I held his gaze until I bowed my head and said in a whisper that echoed off the walls, "I know"

He helped me to my feet handed me my bag, his hand lingered on mine fir just a second more that necessary, but I didn't have the heart to pull away, nor did I want to with him I felt safe. When he withdrew his hand I felt a sense of lost, it was something that I couldn't explain.

He turned on his heal and just like that walked away. I stood there and looked at where he had just been. I felt like something extraordinary had just occurred, and in a way it had. I didn't know exactly what had just happened, but then again at the young age of eleven how could I.

* * *

I got stronger after I had met Him, I wouldn't let them hurt me as often, I wouldn't just let them anymore. I would run away, or find a teacher. They knew I was getting stronger but not in strength but in cleverness.

I couldn't beat them in a fight, but I could out smart them.

I was doing quite well, with my little plan, I wasn't in the hospital wing as much, but I knew like most happy times in my life that it, this, was going to end soon.

This wouldn't be the exception, even if it was for my safety.

I was the only one in the Great hall that day; I was sitting at the end of my table right next to the door. I was juts finishing up my breakfast, when Drew Mayham approached me. He was much taller than I, he was a seventh year, and had this dominating power about him. His eyes were a cold, dark lifeless gray.

Those eyes sent me back to when I was nine and in an alley.

_"Do you want to die little girl?" he asked me like it was as common as hello. I shook my head no to shocked and scared to reply, my voice seemed to have left me. His cold black eyes never left my Hazel ones; his eyes were filled with anger and hatred..._

A wave of fear washed over me and I was absolutely terrified. But from him or the flashbacks I couldn't tell.

He slowly walked over to my house table normally he says away from our table all together, he looked like he was on the hunt prowling for his prey, and I just happen to be his next victim.

He was standing right in front of the bench, when he stated his plan. "How are we today, Miss little Lily" he said calmly his eyes never leaving my face.

_The homeless man turned to me and whispered quietly but I hear every word, "You're next."_

I was shaking in terror and couldn't find my voice to reply. I wanted to run, scream, but he had too much power over me, and he wasn't even the same man. I tried to think of something I could do anything to save me from him.

_I sat mentally begging for anyone to come and find me but it was pointless..._

"Lily have we lost our voice? Or are we always this shy?",He asked trying to sound like her cared to lure me in ,but I saw right through that fake caring voice_,_ it was the same voice I heard all my life.

His face was getting closer and close to mine, I was visibly shaking with I was trapped. His lips were mere inches from mine; I could feel his breath on my cheek. His breath alone made me want to cry but I bottled it up along with everything else.

I didn't want him to come closer. My mind was racing with thoughts of that night when I was nine, of how close the homeless was to me his grip on my arm.

_He slowly let go of his hard grip of my arm that would leave bruises around my arm. The bruises would eventually fade away but they would always be there every time I looked at myself, it was the first scar I got._

Thoughts of the many times I've gotten hurt playing over in my mind, how they had complete control over me. I knew I couldn't stop him, but I had to do something I couldn't stand there and let them do whatever the pleased with me any He came into my mind and that look he gave me. It was then I decided to fight back.

Drew was in front of me when I looked up eyes full of a new found strength, determination. I punched him in the jaw with every ounce of strength I had. He fell back his hand covering his face, blood dripping onto the floor.

I ran, and ran out of the great hall away from Drew and my flash backs.

_I ran as fast as my legs would carry, I didn't feel pain, I didn't feeling anything, all I felt was my feet hitting the ground as I ran._

I stormed out onto the ground not a clue as to where I was going, but I knew a wanted out, I wanted away. I was running faster and faster everything passing by me in a blur. I was running away from the hurt, the pain, from my life.

_...the darkness was creeping up ion me willing me to fall into it..._

I wasn't looking were I was going, I wasn't watching to see where my feet led me. When I bumped in to someone I fell to the ground, I was scared that it was Drew scared that all my memories were happening again. I pull my knees to my body to protect me to comfort myself, and then I broke.

A light was breaking its way through my walls and barriers, trying to save me from falling, falling forever into darkness.


	4. Change of track

I don't remember. I don't know. These were my answers to my family's endless questions about my school life or my life in general. I wasn't allowed to have a private life my family had to know everything and anything. It wasn't just the prophet that wanted to know about my everyday life, and all my secrets, but my family also. This time it wouldn't be any different.

When I got my daily letter from my parents I stopped. I held the letter in my hand, I wanted to rip it apart and tell them to leave me alone, but I wouldn't. I slowly opened the letter slightly worried about what I might find. But nothing was different it was all the same my dad's messy handwriting, and what they asked.

_Dear my lovely Lily,_

_How has your school year been treating you? Made any new friends, no boys I hope. Anything interesting happening, you wouldn't believe the stories about my first year. _

I wanted to laugh at my dad; of course I wouldn't believe them you would never tell me.

_Mom wanted me to ask you if you needed anything or if you were feeling lonely? I just wanted to tell you that me and your mom love you very much and will no matter what happens to you_

_Love, _

_Your Amazing Father_

His letter wasn't long they never were not like the ones James or Al got, no mine were short and to the point. No news about the family, nothing to reveling, nope just a normal letter. Usually I would reply the same.

_I'm fine, making lots of friends and no Dad no boys you don't have to worry about me. Nope nothing interesting at all, and tell mom that I'm very content with what I have and loneliness is the farthest thing for my mind. Love to too Dad, and of course you too Mom._

_You're Lily_

But this time I didn't know if I should tell my dad about Drew or how He helped me. Should I tell them, or just keep it to myself. I would question myself for hours over what I should do, and what would happen depending on my choices. I would worry endlessly over it only to go with the decision I knew I would choose.

This time I decided to write two letters, to letters so different you would think that they came from different people not one. One was the letter my dad want the one my mother waited to get, the one that would make me seem picture perfect. The other was a letter written by a girl who had been carrying a burden for years I girl who had always been broken but learned to hide it well.

A girl who learned that life was mean and cruel at a young age, a girl who couldn't be herself around her family because who she was, wasn't who they wanted. They would say that they would love her no matter what but she didn't know how much faith she could put into that.

As I set down at a table in the library completely hidden, a table that no one would find if they weren't looking for it; like me in a sense no one could find me, the real me, the broken me, unless they wanted too. Maybe that's why He helped me because He wanted to know me, to help me. He greatly helped that day that Drew attacked me, the day that I finally started heal, it was going to be a long road but at least now my feet were moving.

_I didn't want to look up at Him I didn't want Him to see the hurt and fear in my eyes. **But I wanted Him to oh, so badly.** He got down on his knees, and grabbed my face with His hands, and lifted it up to His. I kept my eyes down. Then He said with such firmness that I would have never refused him though I tried, "Lily Potter look at me." I didn't want to look at him, I wanted to run, but I knew I couldn't…..I couldn't fight anymore. I slowly raised my hazel eyes to meet his warm golden brown ones. I held His gaze, His gaze that looked through me, that saw everything. **I didn't hide, I didn't want too. I wanted, needed for someone to see. **"Lily, why have you been doing this to yourself? Lily what happened?" His questions came out in a rush, as He pulled me into His arms. I slowly wound my arms around His back. I grabbed His jacket with all my strength. **I never wanted to let go. I didn't want him to leave. Please stay.**_

_"Nine" I whispered, "Nine" He pulled away just far enough to see my face, he looked at me. Not in a criticizing away, but in a way that I left He was trying to solve a puzzle with too many missing pieces. "Nine years, Lily. Why did you do this to yourself? Why didn't you tell anyone?" He whispered harshly. His words stung me, I bowed my head and turned to look away but not before, not I answered first. I owed him that." No,** IT** happened when I was nine years old. And if you knew you would never be able to like me." I stood up and made to turn away I had to leave, I couldn't let him know if he knew he would hate me, and then I would be truly alone. **But you already are. **_

_He grabbed my hand before I could walk away and a shock went up my arm, I didn't turn to face Him I stopped and let Him hold my hand. **You didn't want Him to let go. You wanted Him to take back into His arms and force you to talk. **"No Lily you're wrong nothing that you've done could ever make to hate you. Nothing, Lily remember that." He said with an emotion that I never heard before, but His words hit hard. They were glass on my heart, and little pin in my soul. I turned and walked back inside, silently as a tear fell. Not a tear of sadness, but a tiny tear of hope. _

**_You wanted to run back to Him, you wanted to tell Him to stay, but you didn't. You knew that He would help you, but you wouldn't let Him. You said that He would never like you, but He said that He did. You thought that you were going to be back on the same road of darkness, but a few simple words changed your track._**

I pulled myself out of my revive pulled out parchment and a quill, and decided to write the two letters. Each with a different view of me, one I would place at the bottom of my trunk and the other would be on its way to home. My parents would get it and my mom would smile, and Dad would laugh. No one would know, every one would think that my life was perfect. The truth would be kept safe, but I knew even as I wrote my letters, that the truth wasn't safe while it was so close to becoming known.

**AN**: for those who are reading this Updates will be slow as of right now till school ends, B/c I have to write a ton of essays for my English class, and I'm gone most of the day. But for those that are reading this  
I hoped you liked it, I personally hate the ending, I didn't want to end it like that, but it was all that I had came up with, but do beware that it may change not drastically but a change may happen or I could say to heck with it and just leave it.

thank you for reading, I'll stop rambling now.


	5. Breaking Dreams

"I don't even remember throwing the trash away. I don't even know how I got to the alley. I just know that when I looked up there were…" Gulp." two men and I didn't know if they were muggles or not, but the moment I heard…. I heard… red light…. Screams…" I was pulling my hair with my head bent towards my knees that were press in to the cold hard, ruff stone floor. He lifted my face and looked into my eyes saying_ continue._

"I heard **_That_** man say _Cruico. _I knew nothing good was going to happen. I knew. I knew, but I just stood there watching. I knew, but did I LISTEN TO MYSELF NO!" I said grabbing onto His shirt shaking as I told him that I knew and didn't listen.

"I was going to go back home; I was about to leave when that man's screams filled my ears. I didn't hear anything else. Who could? All I heard was a pain, horrifying, help me, please stop scream. I didn't hear the cars, or the rain. I just heard his cries. His scared cries, whimpers, and screams. Asking, pleading for someone to help him. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't. "I said sobbing tears running down my face. I let go of His shirt that I had a death grip hold on.

I slid away from Him, knowing that now he was going to hate me. He would start bullying me like everyone else, but he had more he could harm me with. He could take my life from a hell I could escape from to a hell that was never ending. I sat up against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest. I wrapped my arms tighter and tighter till my hands were hurting from the pressure. I told myself not to cry, but I was too late the hateful tears were already making their way down my face and soaking into my skin.

I sat there crying, crying for the first time since it happened. He reached over to put a hand on my shoulder, but that only sent me back, to the very night it happened.

_"Cruico." Red light, blinding red light. Pain, red screaming pain. Blue steel blue. Haunting blue, terrifying blue. Lighting green, death laughing green. A swarm of colors, scared colors. Hideaway colors._

_I'm falling into a swirling pit of screaming pain red, Haunting blue, and death laughing green. Spinning around me. Wrapping around me suffocating me, my screams dying my throat. I try to throw off the colors, but they grab on to me tighter bring me down, down, down where no one will ever find me. Because no one. Not family, friends, not people that I've met. No one will come looking. I know that they won't, but I shout, kick up a fight anyway. The colors laugh at my ill hope. And I start to believe them._

I woke up my sheet wrapped around me, I thought for I moment that it was real, that they had won. I tore my sheets off of me. Freeing me from the nightmare, but there was no escaping. It kept replying over and over, set on replay. It seemed so real, that He was there. He let me tell him. I told him. I out my hand over my mouth, my hand shook with the thought I had actually told him. I stayed there locked in that position listening to my words as I told him, and he told me to go on, not stop.

_"I don't even remember throwing the trash away. I don't even know how I got to the alley. I just know that when I looked up there were…" _

_"Red light…. Screams…"_

_"I heard **That** man say Cruico. I knew nothing good was going to happen."_

_"But did I LISTEN TO MYSELF NO!"_

_"A pain, horrifying, help me please stop scream."_

_"Someone to help him. But I couldn't do anything. I couldn't."_

I slowly awoke from my living dream. I pushed it out of my mind; I didn't need to be scared to talk to anyone today. I didn't need to worry no one talk to me anyway.

No one said a word that day; the day was that of any other day. But I could not sake the feeling that I told Him. That I had broken down and the words flowed out of my mouth without my consent. I had no control. And He, Oh He didn't yell or condemn. He just let me cry, let me break. He was just there, but he had listened, he had tried to help me but nightmares can't be kept away.

No night mares can't be kept away, not even in my dreams, even if He is in my dreams.

An/ I dislike doing these, but I want your in put as to where Lily should be shorted as that is the next chapter. I would prefer either Hufflepuff or Slytherin, but Ravenclaw will do. I could make Gryffindor work if that's what yall want. Depends on well partly you some me, some other friends. =]

Oh, and I'm sorry for the shortness of the chapter, but I just need to let yall see a bit into my Lily's life. And who saw that that was all I dream. I sure didn't till I wrote it.

Review if you want to I'll post regardless. Test me ; P


	6. Sorting Decisions

_AN/ I'm sorry for the long wait but I didn't know where I wanted to take this story, but I'm back on track. I have the next chapter written and I am working on the third. I Know that this is short but this is just Lily's Sorting, the next chapter will be longer. If any of you reading have a suggestion I would love to hear it. _

_This chapter is for ChristianGril56, who told me to put Lily into Ravenclaw. Thanks to all my Reviewers and Readers.  
_

I remember my sorting in a clear haze; I know the name called before mine."_Caroline Hodge._" The conversation the hat had with me is what I remember the most. I approached the stool where the hat would be placed on my head. The hat completely cover my eyes, I was surrounded my darkness.

"_So you're Miss. Potter_." the hat's voice echoing in my head.

"_Yes_.", I replied the tiniest voice possible.

"_What are we going to do with you_?" the hat asked. I felt my body fill with dread at the hat's question. My worries started to whirl around in my head faster than I thought possible. "_I see that you come here,_ _but not without a past, oh, a secret past._" I didn't say anything to the hat's statement. I kept silent till it talked again.

"_I_ _sense a great determination to prove yourself, and a certain thirst for knowledge, but I also know that_ _you have a great deal of kindness in you, despite your past_." I stared up at the hat, but I realized that the hat could not see; I replied, "I guess so."

"_I do hope, Lily that you find what you're looking for in.._."

"RAVENCLAW," the hat shouted for everyone to hear. I took the hat of gently not looking at anyone; I sat the hot back down on the stool. I didn't hear the cheering or clapping for me. I didn't notice Albus standing up to clap for me. I never saw James confused face at where I had been sorted. All I heard were my thoughts saying," See you are different, and if the hat knew about your past, will other see it? Will they see her or just her past?

Lily noticed that she was at the Ravencalw house table; she sat down next to a boy with curly black hair.

"Hi," Said the boy shyly. "Hello"I responded back.

I looked up and saw a boy with short brown hair and grey-blue eyes sitting next to a dark skinned girl with long straight black hair.

"Hey there, I'm Frank and this is Shifa." Frank said point to the girl and smiling at me.

"Welcome to The Ravencalw house." Shifa said smiling brightly at me.

"Hello, I'm Lily" I said smiling a little, my thought still ringing in my head.

I don't remember the Headmistress's speech. I didn't really need to listen I already knew all the rules by heart from my cousins. Sometimes being the youngest had it perks.

I was tapped on the shoulder when it was time to leave by the same boy I sat by earlier, the boy with the curly black hair. I noticed that in the light it looked very shiny.

"Excuse me," I said tugging on the boy's robes,"What's your name?"

"Oh," the boy said looking at me, "My name is Adam."

"Well, thank you, Adam" I said turning back to walk with the other Ravencalw.

"No, problem, Lily." Adam said walking beside me.

The walk to Ravencalw tower was silent for me I was too engrossed in my thoughts to notice any noise. When we stopped in front of the entry it asked a question.

"_Does the past dictate the future?_"

This question caught me by surprise and I started worrying that the statue sensed my pasted too. This made me worry even more, new thought popped up in my mind mixing in with the other spinning around in my head... I didn't stop to look around the common room I went straight up to my dormitory.

I changed into my pajamas, closed the curtains around my bed and tried to fall asleep. After tossing and turning for five minutes I knew it was a pointless attempt my thoughts wouldn't quiet.

When I did get to sleep it was not peaceful. I slept that night without night mares of the alley, no that first night at Hogwarts; I had a night mare of a different kind. That nightmare was the scariest because I didn't know if it was the truth or not.

I couldn't wake up and tell myself that it was already in the past that it happened years ago. I couldn't run to my parents or my brothers and ask them about it. It would just linger in the back of my mind until someone either proved me wrong or right. I really hoped that they would prove me wrong. I didn't want to think about if they proved me right.

_An/ Again sorry for the shortness, but I really wanted to post this. Thanks for reviewing if you do, if you don't thanks anyway. _

_Drops_


	7. Black Mirror

_AN/ thanks to all the reviewed.(_ElLa_EnChAnTeD and ChristianGirl56)_ Were taking a bit of a time jump here. Lily is now 13, as that's what aged I needed her to be in this chapter. and I hope yall enjoy. =]_

I staring at the surface of the black lake, it reminded me so much of myself. It looked so calm, peaceful on the surface, but things, people, places, secrets lurked beneath the surface where no one sees. _Only because no one ever wants to look, they take it at face value. Perfect. No, never perfect._ I pulled my legs towards my chest wanting to forget the world, wanting to disappear.

I sat there for hours crying, feeling the pain. I looked up when I thought I heard a rock break the quiet surface of the lake. My gaze immediately went to the Forbidden forest. I don't know what caused me to get up and walk over to the edge of the forest.

It was against the rules to go in, but it would seem that I'd lost all control over my mind and body. I told myself to stop but my body didn't listen, my body was in a trance. I wrapped my arms around myself because of the cold. I looked around and all I saw were tall, giant dark trees.

As I walked deeper into the forest, my body started shaking because of the flashes I kept getting of That Night. I kept seeing that Man, and the helpless one on the ground. I heard his screams, and the other man's curl harsh words. I told myself to stop; I struggled to pull myself out of the unwanted flashbacks. When I looked up I saw a creature.

It was completely black blending in with the night. It had bright, shining blue eyes like that Man's I thought. I stood there paralyzed with my fear, after what felt like minutes, but was only a few seconds I screamed and ran.

I ran for my life; I never once looked back. I fell, stumbled and tripped over the forest floor. My skirt was ripped, my short torn, and blood covered my body from my falls. I searched desperately for the edge of the forest, never stopping, never slowing down. I was looking for any kind of light. When I saw the beginning of a bright light I made myself run ever faster.

I fell out of the forbidden forest with a thud. I looked around I didn't see it any more. I hesitantly looked over my shoulder at the forest, but I saw that thing again, so I jumped up and ran.

When I saw Him I collapsed into in arms. My savior, my friend, my love, I thought my paying attention to anything. When He looked at me I started to talk. I told Him everything.

~PP~

_"I didn't want to displease James so i took out the trash. The entire time I was walking something in me told me to run, but I didn't listen to it. My mind was screaming at me to run, to do anything but continue walking, but I ignored it all."_ He wrapped his arms around me, sensing that this wasn't going to be a pretty tale.

~PP~

_"I don't know. I sort of black out until i see the ally. Then there were two mean fighting. I just stood there. I saw a man get tortured, by a word, and then get killed with two. I saw it with my own eyes. Then the other man turned on me. He said I was next so I ran. He almost got me. I'll never forget the sound or color of that curse."_ He gave me a squeeze to continue my tale, but I knew that I couldn't stop now. I wanted to tell somebody even if the hated me after

~PP~

_"My mom picked me up, and I never told her and she never asked. I had a nightmare almost every night afterward, but they thought it was normal. They thought maybe the storm sacred me, they still think that, but sometimes I hope that they don't believe it still." _He whispered words into my ear I was no longer listening. I just wanted my pain to stop and for some weight to be lifted off my shoulders. He knew know what had happened, but I still had much more to tell. He stopped whispering after awhile and his look to me that I had to go on.

~PP~

_"What was I going to do against all those people? I thought that I can't fight back, but every time I saw them I saw that man. They were torturing me, but in a way that they knew nothing of. _ _Madam knows me very well, after I wouldn't tell her what really happened she would just fix me up and allow me to stay the night even if I didn't need it. Sometimes if I was really shaken she would let me stay a day or two. Sometimes she saved me that way." _ He gave me a look that held such passion that I had to look away. I couldn't bear to look at him. I wouldn't let him see me cry, not this time. I had to continue.

~PP~

_"I was useless against Drew; he was bigger and stronger. His eyes though, his eyes reminded me of that's man and I got flashbacks. They just kept coming so I punched him and ran. I ran and ran; I seem to do that a lot. I ran until I saw you. You saved me."_ I gave him a look that I hoped showed how much he helped me, and how many times he saved me. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I wanted to tell him but I didn't want to tell him yet, I only found out myself.

~PP~

I didn't notice that he had healed my cuts. I looked at him," Thank you, for everything. For listening, for just being here. You're the first person that I've ever told." I looked away scared that now that he knew, that he would turn to be just like the rest." Lily, thank you for telling me. I know that it was hard for you. Wow, Lily how did you carry that around with you for so many years without telling anyone. I wished you would have told me sooner. You know what you have to do now right, don't you Lily?" He said smiling at me. He always amazed me in his ability to smile.

"I know, I know. Christmas." I said smiling back at him. It felt so nice to smile, and nice to be smiled back at by a person who knew… everything.

"So ... The running out of the forest, bleeding thing?" he said looking at me with an expression of concern mixed with amusement.

"I don't... well... you see…" He held out his hand stopping my rambling.

"I don't want to know, but what ever happened I glad that it did. Now lets' get you to the infirmary." He said helping me up.

I looked like I had been through hell, but I just couldn't keep the smile off my face.

I was glad that I went into the Forest, I happy that I met the creature because if I hadn't then my parents might not have ever found out about me.

_An/ the next chapter will be when Lily tell her parents.. well you just have to wait to read it. =]_

_I hope that you enjoyed this chapter, I sorry that it took so long to type, but life was being life._


End file.
